Okay, I have a problem, and that is that I never really grew up. I made this short but endearing video with my friend Zane; we are having a burping contest to see who can make the grossest, which also, in my opinion, coincides with being the funniest burp. I really think he won, but I got one in at the end that I feel was pretty good.
I really need your input; please take a moment and vote on a few things here:
1) Most importantly, is this incredibly immature or not?
2) Do you still find burping funny? How old are you?
3) Who won? If you like, please state why.
Please place your vote in the comments section. Using a famous Norwegian scientific method, I will calculate the results in a few days.
I wrapped up some post office business yesterday and I went out to the lot to drive off in my RV. As I was walking along, I noticed an older gentleman get into the passenger side of my RV. I thought that was a bit odd and I approached him. “Do you need a ride somewhere?” I asked.
“Damn! I do this all the time,” he said embarrassingly and walked two cars over and got into what I think was the right car, an 80s Cadillac.
I wished him luck and secretly wished he had come along with me.
This was rather inspiring. I’d like to start getting into people’s cars while they are waiting in front of places or in parking lots. I don’t know exactly what I’d say, maybe, “It’s really crazy out there, let’s just go home” or “do mind if I get a ride with you up the street?” or maybe just silently look at them.
Have you ever done anything like this? I’m sure someone has. It could get quite dangerous depending on where you are and whom you get in the car with.
p.s. I had a really vivid dream last night that I had dinner with Oprah Winfrey and her entourage. She lived much more humbly than I thought.
Here’s a poetic little video of two “Open” signs attempting to communicate with one another… or maybe this is actually NOT a convenience store but the 13th Alien Headquarters Sector and the aliens have taken over these open signs and are transmitting some sort of Close Encounters of the Third Kind “Morse code” to all of the aliens who live nearby.
Most of the time it’s just signaling local news from other planets, but every so often it instructs all of the neighborly aliens to come down to the convenience store to purchase and consume copious amounts of Twinkies. These times are very calculated and only occur after the third and fifth Hostess delivery each month so that earthlings do not suspect anything strange.
All the while the aliens are storing that beautiful soft white filling in special hiding places and will one day coat the earth with their stored sweet sugary filling. The only way to save earth and ourselves will be to eat our way out; and in doing so, we will become so bloated and fat that we’ll become useless and the Aliens will take over our planet – a white knight or friendly take over if you will.
So next time you see a couple of blinking open signs at a convenience store and a “person” buying more than one pack of Twinkies, stop and ask them what planet they are from and tell them to save Earth cause you love it.
Please call 1-800-MONSTER if you see this maniac in your neighborhood. And please don’t hesitate to pick up and dial if you see any of the other monsters on our most wanted list – The Loch Ness Monster, The Abominable Snowman, Ghidora, Mothra, Godzilla, The Swamp Thing, Bigfoot, The Bogie Man, Hydra, and Medusa.
Remember if you see one of these villains, do not attempt to attack them, they are very dangerous. Please call 1-800-MONSTER immediately after sighting and move to a safe place and wait. Our specialists are standing by and are ready to apprehend these dangerous criminals and put them behind bars forever. Thank you and please keep posted for further details
Today is a big day – I faxed off the contract to 44 Blue Productions and ICM to start working on a TV show for the Dinner Tour; I’ve left my apartment, sold my stuff, said my goodbyes, packed the RV, and I’m finally leaving my home town to go to Los Angeles to do the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson and began approaching networks about NDT TV. Wish me luck!
Tomorrow’s my big day – I turn 29 years old! I can’t believe it. For me, this is the age in which you really question yourself – what you’re doing, where you’re living, and the things around you. So with that in mind, let’s see… I just temporarily moved to LA to work on getting together a TV show. Check. I’ll be living in my RV right outside the production company I’m working with. Check. I’m not getting paid. Check. I haven’t held a “real” job in almost a year. Check. I’m going to be on my first late show (Craig Ferguson) on Wednesday. Check. And this all is feeling pretty strange. Check.
But I do have an office now.
And as a side, right before leaving SF, I saw this happy little reminder someone taped to their window. It puts all this into perspective.
My first late night talk show appearance! This is going to be fun; I’m off to the hotel they are putting me in tonight – The Sofitel. No RV camping tonight!
If you’re in the mood for some TV tomorrow at 12:30am tune into CBS’s The Late, Late Show w/ Craig Ferguson. It’s on right after Letterman.
If you have any last minute suggestions for something I should do on the show, by all means, shoot. Also, if you have any relaxation techniques that would help too as I’m a wee-bit nervous.
My appearance got postponed – a bummer, but I’ll be on soon hopefully. Please keep posted and I’m sorry for all of the lost sleep. Free chamomile for all!
If you’d like to e-mail the show your comments, click here to do so (it is a web form). Let them know what’s on your mind!
In the meanwhile enjoy these photos from a project I did a little while back – The Affirmation Badge Station (TABS). Upon entering a comedy show, I asked folks to write down an affirmation on a name badge, affix it to their shirt, and then look into the mirror and repeat it. I guess my affirmation today is I wasn’t on the Craig Ferguson show last night and my RV is leaking transmission fluid, but at least I don’t work at Chuck E Cheese anymore!
These might make for nice tattoos if your short on ideas.