This is it! I mean every time I jump in the pool, get in the shower, or relax in the hottub, the very FIRST thing I wanna do is make calls – well hot damn, now I can! And for only $1790. Thanks SkyMall.

Oh and the image really sells it. She looks so pissed!

Sharon: “Mike are you scuba diving again?”

Mike: “No?”

Sharon: “Ok, well make sure you’re home by 6, the Briddles are coming over for dinner and I need help with the tuna casserole!”

Mike: “No problem honey! Love you, see you soon.”

They hang up.

Mike: “Thanks SkyMall! Now I can scuba dive and nobody will know!”

What I’m wondering is where are the underwater cell phone towers? No matter.

Thanks for finding this Stanya Kahn.

Posted via web from marc horowitz’s posterous

This is a project I did with the infamous Sir John Hargrave of Zug. We actually went to Charlize Theron’s house, snuck in with the builder crews, and installed some celebrity gutters. She wasn’t there, but I’m sure she appreciates her new gutter guards.

For parts two and three (Charlize’s gutter install), visit http://bit.ly/celebritygutters_pt2 & http://bit.ly/celebritygutters_pt3

I have to do it – please come up with a caption for this. The winner will recieve a print of this photo.

I vaguely remember taking this photo, but it’s it. may the best caption win!

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single scoop vs. double scoop

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Don’t know what to do on that first or second date? Let Sports Hands! help!!!

Sports Hands! is a new and fun place to take a date!!!  Upon your arrival, you and your date would sit down with a hand analyzer professional.  He would closely look at both your and your date’s hands. Then, he would quickly run through some hand equations and finally recommend a mutual sport for you and your date based on both of your hand types!

He would supply you with the necessary equipment for your mutual sport and send you both on your “Sports Hands!” date. 

If you would like a professional trainer to accompany you on your date, that can be arranged for a minimal fee.

Here are some examples of recent clients that went on to date many many more times:

Him – long, hairless, complex, and pasty hands
Her – dainty, peach fuzz on the lower phalanges, slightly distressed, but strong and comfortable hands
Their sport: Shuffleboard

Him – very dark hands, wiry black hair only on the knuckles, super wide, well manicures fingernails
Him – soft hands with a callous on the right pointer finger
Their sport: Speed walking

Him – severely chapped
Her – delicate, all knowing, somewhat dexterous, strong willed hands
Their sport: Word board games – boggle and scrabble

E-mail us at sportshands at ineedtostopsoon dot com for more information on locations and bookings!

Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous

LOS ANGELES, Wednesday – After years and years of Research & Development in an underground Stanford laboratory, scientists have finally unveiled what has been hailed as “the best” solution for the ever-growing Los Angeles traffic problem: “The Not-So-Invisible Giant Hand,” or simply, “Big Hand.”

Over 200 years after Adam Smith’s economic theory of an “Invisible Hand,” Governor Schwarzenegger’s traffic theory of a “Not-So-Invisible Hand” is finally realized, bringing past and present together once again.

“The time was right,” Schwarzenegger proclaimed. “After all, these hands have something we want – a firm grip on traffic control. And we also as well have also something that they want – cars. Who are we to keep these big hands from their desires?”

Scientists describe the Big Hand propulsion system as “A combination of an advanced sub-atomic jet and good ol’ fashioned black magic.” This supernatural speed allows the Big Hands to arrive at the scene of an accident up to 3,501 times faster than law enforcement, tow trucks, or emergency services. The Big Hands are also equipped with a 360-degree digital camera and were given temporary CPR licenses.

When asked if the Big Hands would be given the ability to administer mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, one scientist replied, “That’d just be weird.”

Seventy-five “Not-So-Invisible Giant Hands” were deployed today in Los Angeles. Witnesses on I-5 describe the Big Hands as “really Goddamn scary giant hands.” This morning, one car’s highway collision with a guardrail served as the first Big Hands traffic assistance.

The driver, 75-year-old Max Melmo, describes the scene:

“I was just resting my head on the airbag when a Big Hand peeled back my roof and carried me away in its fist. Once I arrived at the impound lot, several hours had passed and there was snow on the ground. When I asked where I was, the Big Hand stuck out its middle finger and flew away. It turns out this was definitely not the right impound lot and, to make matters worse, I believe the Big Hand stole my wallet. I have the strange feeling that soon these Big Hands will put us under their thumbs and will destroy the human race.”

The Los Angeles Police Department is looking into these accusations.

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For this project, “How Bout a Burrito at My Favorite Place?,” I posted an ad on craigslist.org asking people to join me for a burrito at my favorite taco truck in Oakland, CA. We met up at a specified time and ordered together. After ordering, I took a picture of my meal date with their food. We then ate together, discussing whatever. When we finished, I took a photo of their “burrito sculpture,” (a.k.a their trash).

It’s nice to see a person, take into account what they do and who they are, and then see how they fidget with thier leftover food and trash eventually completing a sculpture.

Peter Leonard – Collage Artist and Graphic Designer

Bruce Bortin – Activist

Joe Guzman- Photographer

Rene & Chris – Students

I had to put this project to an end because I received over 900 requests and I ate burritos 2-3 times a day which made me really fat.

Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous

Live the dream and make yourself a ship in a bottle!

1) get two plastic bottles and cut them in half (arrowhead 1 liter are the best)

2) draw and color your ship on both sides

3) tape or glue your ship horizontally on one of the cut bottle bottoms

4) merge the other bottle bottom with the one you just adhered the ship to

5) glue or tape the bottle bottoms together

6) take a bottle top and make a stand for your ship in a bottle by placing the wide side down and adhering the drinking hole part to the bottom of your ship in a bottle.

You probably don’t need instructions to do this, but I can’t imagine a craft project without instructions. Make a ship in a bottle and post it to the flickr group “Ship in a Bottle” – www.flickr.com/groups/shipinabottle/

By doing this, you’ll most likely win someone over.

Posted by email from marc horowitz’s posterous

And now’s a good time to hit you up to subscribe to my youtube channel  http://www.youtube.com/ineedtostopsoon – I have lots more videos coming out soon and lots up! Do it!

Taken outside of the geffen contemporary in la and Sent from my iPhone

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This is definitely next level topiary gardening!!

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Here’s a sample page:

Enjoy!  Let me know what you think!

Posted by email from marchorowitz’s posterous

So, here’s the experiment – add me on twitter, http://twitter.com/ineedtostopsoon – and I’ll send you a drawing, something like the ones pictured above. Once you add me, DM me your address and I’ll send along a drawing. This is a nice analog way to connect in a digital age, and you’ll get real fan mail. I encourage you to write a letter back to me… you don’t have to though!

Posted by email from marchorowitz’s posterous