Altadena

Dinner with Sakae

Sakae (pronounced like psychiatry, without the “tree”).
Owen
Bronson

Here was a sense of suburban community. The neighbor across the fence stands on his porch and hollers over about the good smell of dinner, Sakae in front of her stove hollers back a thanks and an invitation to come over and try it. The dog barks out front. The kids are doing homework.

A lonely RV, no bigger than a covered wagon, rolls up to the three bedroom home, and property values immediately dip. It only goes downhill, as the 100 foot extension cord is strung across the lawn in its safety orange glory, to give the travelers “shore power”. On the morning of day two, concerned neighbors are on the telephone, “One of them is sleeping on the lawn.” By the afternoon of the second day, the last offense has occurred, as wet towels are hung over the fence to dry. The white trash road show must be run out of town.

But seriously folks, it was a great time with this family. The only reason I slept on the lawn was because we sprung a gas leak, and the camper filled up with fumes. If I had known coyotes roamed the neighborhood after dark, I may have taken my chances with asphyxiation.

How did we get here? It was an email that started it.

“Marc, it is 6:25 a.m. My son won’t get into the shower. 7th grader (likes to sleep) my youngest son is still rolling around. My husband is trying to get to work, and the dog is outside barking. Even though she knows she isn’t supposed to… AND

I read about you with the Crate and Barrel catalogue, it is because of people like you I have a renewed hope in mankind. Both of my sons march to a different beat, aren’t afraid to express themselves, and are really funny. I hope they can learn to appreciate life and laugh the way you do.

Thank you for being a breath of fresh air.

Kind regards,

Sakae”

It is definitely a risk meeting strangers. Why do it? Why do people invite me into their homes
Sakae said, “I emailed my friends to invite them to a pot luck for you, and they all wanted to know why I was doing it. Then my son asked me, ‘Why do these guys want to leave home and meet strangers?’

There is risk on both sides, and that is part of the adventure.

She told me, “I hope someday, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the day after, but when they’re 18, 19 years old, and they want to take a chance on something, they’ll remember this.”

It’s nice to get to the age when you realize you can be an influence on someone. It also means you have to start paying attention to your actions. I haven’t been around young people much until this Dinner Tour. While in San Juan Bautista I said “F@%$” very loud in front of a little boy, about seven years old. I looked down and he had his palms together about heart level, like he was praying, and a giant grin on his face. “I meant to say, ‘Farrr….’” I said, looking down at him. He looked so happy to have caught me doing something he is not supposed to do. What a grin. Let’s hope this isn’t the only influence I have on the trip.

Sakae arranged a diverse group for her potluck. Many of them were strangers to each other, only linked through Sakae. She emailed them all the CNN.Com clip, then invited them to meet me.

“Does he know I’m Black?” One friend asked her.

“No. I didn’t fill out a form, he just wants to meet people.” Sakae said.

Sakae is half Japanese, half native American, and her husband is Black. Her neighbor is gay, and the shades of color at the pot luck were like a Benetton commercial. Is this important? Yes and no. In fact, not everyone present that night was comfortable with everyone else. But they were willing to give it a chance, step outside their boundaries.

“My friends have kids, and if as parents they give a stranger a chance, or someone of a different sexual orientation a chance, then that lesson is passed on to their kids.”

Renee, a happily married woman who brought her 13 year old son along whispered to me that it was probably boring to be there.
“We’re middle class. Middle class people are kind of all the same, even if they are Black or White. They have stressful jobs, kids, car payments. That’s all they can talk about.”

In a way that is true. But unfortunately, I know plenty of middle class people who still have plenty of hate for other races, genders, and sexualities. That is part of why it was nice to have dinner there. People were very normal, they do want similar things: smart kids, good friends, a job they like, a loving spouse. Sakae was presenting me with a great example of how much people do have in common, how a complete community can be built.

One woman told me she was glad she came, although she wasn’t sure what was going to happen when she arrived. She ended up having a great time.

“Most people would rather watch t.v. than meet new people,” Tammy, Sakae’s best friend, said.

That took some thought to understand. Why would someone rather be alone than out being social? Maybe they’re tired from work, and just want to decompress. Could it be possible our work ethic and the lack of fulfilling work drives us to be couch potatoes? Coming home and eating in front of the t.v. is easier than joining a book club, or a Victrola society. If, instead, people had jobs they loved, wouldn’t they want to come home and share their energy, share their discoveries? The way it works now, people are forced to try and recharge their batteries with chocolate ice cream and Desperate Housewives. It leads to a total lack of culture. Larry Harvey’s first dinner is echoing in my ears. There is no new culture being built by the common people. They are only taking what advertisers are selling as culture.

The ones who have responded to my offer for dinner are ones who are looking behind the scenes. They are looking for a bit of reality behind all the false advertising. When they saw a real phone number in a furniture catalogue they called it. The fact that we have an imaginary area code for television, movies, and advertising is strange. 555 When did that number come to represent the make believe exchange? People noticed a bit of reality in a completely make believe world of commercial photography. I say it’s imaginary because I work in the field. The walls aren’t real, the floors aren’t real. Most people outside of the industry probably don’t know this, or even think about it.

I have helped lay down wood planks on cement to create an old barn floor look, pictures are hung from fishing line, lights have silk sheets shading it to diffuse the light and create a sense of calm. But it is a warehouse, not the bedroom we make it look to be.

The next afternoon Sean MacDonald arrived in his minivan, having driven five hours down from the Bay Area in order to silk screen the National Dinner Tour logo onto the hood of the car. It looked like a professional’s work. Thank’s buddy!