I bring to you Handy Hand a.k.a. Omnidexterous. This eventually happens to humans because we need to type faster than ever in the future where there is so much information to keep track of and so many people to keep in touch with.

The above picture scared the hell out of my mom, so much she had to turn her computer off. She asked me to make a cuter version. I took off all but two little hands and it is still scary. Sorry Mom.

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Kraft Buys Moon
The evolution of advertising. Kraft purchases the Moon from Neil Armstrong (who, it turns out, legally owns it because he signed his name in the dust first). Kraft uses the Moon as a giant billboard and deems it “Space Kraft.” After the initial chuckle, citizens of Earth begin to protest the Moon’s defacing. Outrage is heightened when Kraft’s CEO, Chuck Roberts, gave a speech earlier this morning, claiming “Kraft had every right to do this because the Moon is ours and I always believed the satellite was made of cheese.” Earth’s profit participation in Kraft brings new intergalactic wealth to the planet, sending Alpha Centauri’s Jabooli Centavo in the toilet.

Doritos (Frito Lay) Stakes Claim to the Giza Pyramids
The evolution of advertising. Doritos (Frito Lay) originally wanted to replace the sand around the Pyramids with “orange cheese dust,” but environmentalists protested the action claiming it would not only wreak havoc on the local flora and fauna but could cause terrible allergic reactions in humans (much like Doritos do). Doritos (Frito Lay) and lobbyists eventually reached a compromise – print the Doritos logo on the Pyramids themselves. The Egyptian government is pleased with the new source of revenue, but tourists are displeased.

Viagra’s New Guerilla Campaign, A Success?
The evolution of advertising. US Citizens were appalled today when Viagra painted their logo on the Washington Monument, not because they ruined an American icon, but because it was just too damn obvious. Coca-Cola, the owner of the monument, is suing.

Harrahs Final Clenches the Hoover Dam Lease
This is just sad.

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We are so stressed in the future because of over-population, over-stimulation, and increasing demands that we evolve to grow a “skin chimney” or a stressus propulus that looks much like a snork on the top left side of our head’s. It keeps us from having a stroke by spewing forth blood clots and strange gunk in times of stress.

The skin chimney grows in size with us and as we get older it sags. Stressed out peoples sag early, but there is medication, corrective surgery, and braces to help with that. Lot’s of folks customize their “chimney” - getting it tattooed like a brick chimney, encrusting it in gold dust or diamonds for that bling-bling look, mutilating and piercing it, etc.

just feel the left side of your head now, feel that little bump? It’s gonna happen and you read it here first.

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In the future there are no public restrooms and traffic becomes so horrible that you can’t ever make it anywhere in time to pee. So naturally with these impediments, our bladders evolve and become 5 - 7 times its current size so that we can hold our pee for 14 - 18 hours.

Amazing how the bladder grows down over the upper quadriceps femoris. Just incredible!

p.s. I had a dream last night that I went ahead and had a surgery to make my bladder bigger. It such a weird dream. The doctor was taunting me, do you want to be true to your work, then do this, make your bladder bigger as an example. I did, it was strange.

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