This is sort of something I stumbled upon by accident while waiting for a phone call. It is very easy to execute and brings one much pleasure. All you need is a ceiling fan and a roll of toilet paper. I would suggest that you have hardwood or concrete floors, but I think short carpet would work too.
Here is the easy-to-follow 10-step process for creating a TP Tornado for yourself:
1) Grab a roll of 2-ply toilet paper, open it up (if wrapped).
2) Unravel about three or four feet of the TP.
3) Give it a throw up in the air so it goes over TWO of the fan blades (if it goes over just one blade, gently pull it off and try again). This the most crucial step.
4) Once you have the TP roll over the TWO fan blades, then unroll the rest of it. You can throw it around a bit more if it brings you pleasure. Whatever you do, don’t break the stream – REMEMBER ONE SOLID STRIP OF TP!
5) Once all of the TP is unrolled on the floor, remove the cardboard roll, and make sure the toilet paper isn’t too tangled up.
6) Start the ceiling fan on medium to medium high speed and watch the fun began!
7) As the toilet paper twists up like a tornado, help it ravel up a bit by feeding it some of the toilet paper on the floor.
8) Once the TP tornado has sucked up almost all of the TP, turn off the fan.
9) Run back to the tornado. As the fan slows down, gently lift up the main TP twist (as pictured) to alleviate some of the stress at the top. Do this until the fan stops completely.
10) Slowly release your grip and step back to enjoy your personal TP Tornado!!
Show your friends and loved ones. Take a picture and send it to me. I’d love to post a collection of TP tornados from around the world.
Yeah yeah, the tornado is technically up side down but who really cares?
The Short: I spelled “Hi” on the side of a hill using white plastic lawn chairs. Neil Young is next door and I’m hoping he’ll see it and come over!
The Long: I’ve accepted a month-long artist-in-residence program in the sticks. The location is strategically positioned in the middle of nowhere on Dr. Carl Djerassi’s ranch. I am one of eight artists here and it feels like I’m on reality television. I find myself constantly looking for hidden cameras.
If this were a reality show, here’s how I’d pitch it:
Thirty days… eight artists… desolate ranch.
What will happen? Will Cupid find a victim? Will the sculptor be
medivaced out due to a chop-saw blunder? Will food allergies get
the best of the sensitive writer? Will the painter lose her brushes in a poker game? Will someone kill the custodians?
Tune into Artist Reality Television (ART) Every Thursday at 7:00pm.
In real reality, Dr. Djerassi is responsible for inventing the birth control pill and is very, very rich as a result. So rich he can pay for all us slacker artists to be out here for a month.
Communication with the rest of the world is pretty limited up here. As a "media artist"; I’m equipped with a dial-up connection and a pay phone. The only other contact with the outside world is through a consumer telescope, which gives me a perfect view of Neil Young’s living room.
I tried going over to his place to say hello, but the walls were too high and the guards wouldn’t let me pass. Now I’m forced to say “hey, I’m new in town, come over for some coffee sometime” in a different way. So, I arranged 50 white plastic lawn chairs on the side of a hill that faced Neil’s property to spell out the word “Hi”. It’s like a more updated version of the smoke signal.
Neil hasn’t responded, but I’m keeping an eye out. Maybe he’ll tell me something, entirely spelled out in old LPs on one of his hills.
Oh well, Neil is probably really boring anyhow.