This is an idea for a new reality show. Have a fued in your neighborhood? Well, here’s your chance to settle it the old fashioned way. Give each house a canon and have them fire on each other til one house falls. That’s easy and simple enough!
Here are the rules of the game:
HOUSEWARS: Fuck Your Neighbors Up…For Life
“Imagine if you could fire a cannon from your house across the street into your neighbor who you’re feuding with, so then you could resolve this combat you have been having for the last twenty years. You could have this legitimized fight with real cannons firing real cannon balls.” Ian Treasure
HouseWars is a 30 minute extreme-reality-based-tv-show intended for a live audience that was created by Marc Horowitz and Ian Treasure. It is currently being presented to major television networks for production – ABC, NBC, Home and Garden Network, Comedy Central, MTV, etc. This could either be staged, or, if there are willing and applicable contestants, be a legitimate documentary.
For all practical purposes, HouseWars is a contest between two families–across-the-street neighbors–who loathe each other…intensely. So much, in fact, that they’re willing to completely destroy the other’s home and, consequently, ruin the other’s life; like Battleship, each household will take turns firing on the other until the first house is declared structurally unsound. The WINNER gets a brand new house in the nice part of town and an ever-burning torch, and the LOSER gets a set of duffel bags, a cursing parrot, Greyhound bus tickets out of town, and one free week’s stay at a motel to figure out how to put the broken pieces of their life back together.
PREPARATION: Each team has a week before battle day to “fortify” their respective home. During this week, each family is given a military strategist, a master carpenter, and a building crew. Additionally, they are supplied with an equal and set amount of building material. Most importantly, each home will be equipped with a cannon. It will be secured in a front room and pointed at their neighbor’s home. Monday at 0800 hours the teams go to work preparing their homes for battle!
Audience: There will be bleachers perpendicular to the houses. Immediate family sits in the first rows and general audience will be seated behind them.
Concessions: Food and drinks will be sold. Merchandise will also be sold.
Merchandise: In an effort to raise support and sales, t-shirts, hats, action toys, posters, foam hands, DVD compilations, and various tchotchkes and memorabilia will be available widely.
“Safehouses”: Each team gets a trailer-home for the day. They will retreat here when their house is being fired on, and will be able to watch the battle from here. The military strategist will be there for consultation.
Video Cameras: Cameramen will be placed in the audience, in each safehouse, in between the houses, and in the “canon room”. Several unmanned cameras will be set-up throughout each of the homes to pick up “hits”.
The Ref: The referee is the structural engineer. He determines the winner based on his professional opinion. He initiates the coin toss.
A representative from each team meets in the middle of the street for the coin-toss. The ref chooses who calls the toss, he then flips the coin, and initiates the contest. Trumpeteers sound and the games begin. The winner of the coin toss, Team A, enters their home and prepares the cannon. Team B retreats to their trailer. Team lights the fuse, and fires. The canon recoils and inevitably destroys part of Team A’s firing room. The ball then flies across the street and either hits or misses. If it hits, the ref must quickly inspect the house, and deem it safe or unsafe. If the house is safe, Team B prepares to fires, and Team A leaves their home for their safehouse and some consultation. Team B fires, and so on. At any point during the games, the teams can use one trump card each.
Trump card: These are to help the teams out in desperate or strategic situations. They consist of the following: 1) wheel in a line of tall trees to dampen the blow of the cannon ball. This is only for one turn. 2) instruct a bobcat operator for one minute to enter the opposition’s home and terrorize. The cannon cannot be touched. 3) Have a team hide several steaks in various “hard-to-reach” locations and then unleash several hungry German shepards. This is a strong psychological card, as the homeowners watch the dogs tear apart their home on camera in their trailer home.
The game is ended when the ref deems a house unsafe. The trumpateers sound and a heavy metal band strikes up a tune. The audience goes wild! The winners are congratulated and the losers consoled. They are given their respective prizes.
This could also be done with businesses, nameable gas stations as they are always across the street from each other. Follow up segments will occur, documenting the winners and losers of HouseWars.
[tags]housewars, house, home, destruction, battle, fued, realitytelevision, tv, television, show, reality, neighbor[/tags]